23rd Jan 2019

Today – or rather this evening – I was dancing around the house. Sliding around to Christian Loeffler’s excellent chilled dance music. And there I was dancing when I wondered to myself, why was I dancing. Then it hit me again – as it has so many times since – I have sold my business … and that alone is reason enough to dance. And I danced on.

Ordinarily I would be fretting about work tomorrow, or prepping. Or watching a mindless movie just so I wasn’t staring at the computer screen. Boy the hours I have wasted avoiding the horror of dealing with my work life. Not uncommon; I see many people doing it. Some look as though they may break out, but most don’t. They have become caught. “Oh no, it’s a spiders web and I’m caught in the middle” Coldplay.

Augmented by the fear of running out of money, of being poor, of disappointing people. I feel that if you can’t let go of your fears, then you will never let go of anything. I have abandoned myself to fate, because anything else would be a crime in my eyes. I have played the game, and the game is rigged. I shall take my chances and let go, like every book that I have read in the last five years has suggested.

So now is the time to test that ancient wisdom. To test whether life takes you where you are heading, or whether you are truly in control. As I has mentioned before, it is obvious to all but the very obtuse, that you do not control your thoughts, but only react to them. So this method involves not reacting I guess, leastways not how you would normally.

The book ‘Illusions’ by Richard Bach I read when I was around 16. He told a story of an amoeba hanging on to a piece of weed in a fast flowing stream. An amoeba that wanted to let go and float down stream, to see what might be there. But his friends said no, if you do that, you will be dashed on the rocks. So he hung on. But in the end he just had to let go, and let go he did. And indeed he was dashed on the rocks, and yet from the broken pieces something new was formed.

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