Knowing who you are – really are -is such an important part of living a full life. I have reached my 50’s before even giving it proper thought. I mean really stopped and tried to work out what I am, who I am and possibly why I am. Though the last one is still something I am looking at.
I have chosen the path of the inner journey for the latter part of my life. Well, I say chosen, it happened. Having once more hit the darkest hour before dawn moment, this time a hand came down and guided me to a better way. I had little to do with it. Though I did have to make some strong commitments to sitting, being drug, alcohol and general bad things free. I did this in its purest form for 7 years.
Time has now passed since those days, and I am a different person. Having spent so much time living on my own, I have become more and more me, as I have not had to pretend to be someone else on any level. I can get up at 2am and sing, and dance. To read, or listen to music. I do everything when I want to not when I have to, excepting work. Which if you have read this blog at all – no one does – I shall be stopping soon.
Everyday that now passes is a challenge to let go and see what happens. Every spiritual book that I have read, always alludes to the idea that if you let go, all will be well. So I am trying this, as thus far, I have tried to run the ship, and have not done the best job of it. The inner journey is so vast, exciting and alive that what passes for ‘real’ life is by comparison boring.
So we shall see, will I stumble and fall, or fly like a bird? I don’t mind either way, because I have no actual choice in the decision. A thought arose – not mine – and I have responded. I have wasted a large amount of time sweating the small stuff, but not anymore. And as I find myself, I believe that the true meaning and purpose of my life will become evident.