Having done much inner work over the last 7 years, I learnt early on that once you interrogate yourself with the ultimate question ‘Who am I?’ you soon realise who you are not. This is one of the fundamental parts of awakening in a spiritual way. So it was funny for me yesterday to have a moment where I noticed that my idea of myself had changed, as I am currently not really doing anything. Having associated myself with what I have been doing over the last 20 years, things have now changed.
Taking work out of the equation makes the question a little easier to answer, though the answers maybe harder to digest. It crossed my mind last evening, that I was not aware of who I was, and how obvious it was that I was identifying with my work, rather than me as a being. I rather like it, as it is something I have been aiming for for a while. To be a nobody in my own eyes. Just a being – whatever that may be – having an experience of things happening.
I am not a musician, writer, tech head or biker, they are just things that I do, but not who I am. Even my name Nick, is nothing to do with who I am, that was just given to me by my parents. I seem to be a collection of impulses, which are arbitrated through rising thoughts that I either choose to respond to, or not, as the case may be. Ramana Maharshi’s book ‘I am that I am’ points to just this realisation. Meaning, I believe, that you are your substance, the space between thoughts, before the thought, I am. Before the ‘I’ thought.
Life takes us on a path, and we learn, and or fall by the wayside. Whether we have choice, I do not know, but it would appear we can steer our boats in a general direction. But maybe we have to have the experiences whether we like them or not. I say this because, had I not done the last 7 years of inner work, I would be struggling to make sense of who I am. Whereas having done the work, I already know. I am nobody, and that couldn’t be more perfect.