Musing from the Poly

On living alone …

Listening to Binkbeats

I have lived mostly on my own throughout life, interspersed with a few interludes of cohabiting with either friends, or lovers. But on the main, in reflection, I have lived alone. Not something I aimed for, though being raised by hedonistic parents, one was left to ones own devices early on. I don’t remember actually living with my parents as a child, they were around, but not a big part of my life. It was the late 60’s, kids where just a consequence rather than a plan.

Living alone has not always been easy, and yet at the same time, it is what it is. No rules, no pressures, just living I guess. I used to find it hard to enjoy some things on my own, having enjoyed them with a partner, but now not so much, if at all. I think boredom in life could maybe be hidden in a relationship. Doing ‘things’ together is a way of not slipping into boredom, which for most people, including me, is just around the corner. I presume I am supposed to live this way, otherwise, I would not be, surely?

As time goes by and I become more myself, maybe it would not be possible to live with someone else. Not sure really why we do in fact. Is it because we couldn’t live without someone? Well that’s not true, as we know. Maybe we can’t handle being alone? Now that has a ring of truth, as so many people can’t handle being with themselves, and would rather be in a bad relationship, than face the fear that they would have only themselves to face everyday. Who knows? Obviously kids were the reason, but that old story has long ago gone, though we hang onto it as though it is still a truth.

I can’t remember who said, “There are two perfect partners for each person, one is in your dreams, and the other has not been born.” it was something like that. Much like musical chairs, there is not a chair for everyone I guess, and if you were busy not keeping an eye on time, or worse, wasting it on dreams of hope, then you are left standing. Alan Watts, said something like, “The world needs solitary people. Maybe they go off and come back with tales of other places, or maybe they never come back. But either way, you know they are out there, being solitary,” Terrible paraphrase, but the gist I think is there. He also said, “The more a thing tends to be permanent, the more it tends to be lifeless.” And that is the same for being alone or being with someone, maybe?

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